Fight The Power

Today has been a real knockout, dragout with Baby Powder Man. His evil stench was particularly strong today, so I cranked open the melon air freshener quite a bit this morning. BPM may have gotten the best of me today though, because now I feel a headache coming on. It's been a real baby powder beatdown. You may have won the battle BPM, but I'm going to win this war!

Speaking of headaches, I've been getting more than my fair share lately. In fact I just had to take some of my migraine medicine last night when I got home from work. I'm hoping that it's attributable to the fact that I haven't been getting enough sleep lately. That's one of my resolutions that I've been struggling with. I'm just like the rest of you - there just isn't enough time in the day to do everything I want to do. I can't even imagine what it would be like if I had children! I don't know what the answer is. Maybe it's planning my day better or dropping some of the things I like to do. I'm not sure, but I've just got to get more sleep.

And now for something completely different. On the way to work this morning I saw two of the worst bumper stickers I've ever seen. They were both real WTF experiences. The first one said "Say No To Cheap Cargo" and the other one said "Jetskiing Is Not A Crime". You know, I really don't give a shit about the opinions of total strangers so I would prefer to see no bumper stickers at all, but if you must apply one at least make it over an issue that is worth the trouble. Cheap cargo? Jetskiing? Who cares?! I wasted valuable reading time on those stickers! You know what? Douchebaggery Is A Crime, and you sirs, are under arrest.

Whew, good thing I'm at home now.

Here's some pictures of some strange-looking clouds I took last week:

These people may have been jamming cake into their pieholes today:

• Warren Beatty
• Tracy Chapman
• Eric Clapton (well, well)
• Robbie Coltrane
• Celine Dion
• MC Hammer
• Norah Jones
• Paul Reiser
• Paul Wall
• Ian Ziering
  
  
  
  
  

The Check Razor Is In The Mail

Recently I received this fancy-pants razor via the U.S. Mail:

I'm scared to use it because I don't want to end up liking it. Why? Um, 4 replacement cartridges for this sucker cost about $12. I currently use the Mach 3, and those cartridges are pretty damn expensive at $8 for 4. Although I do use one cartridge for quite a long time, enough is enough. I need to investigate some of the cheapo brands, I ain't no millionaire.

On another note, I recently watched a movie that turned out to be extremely funny. Maybe it was the fact that I had fairly low expectations, but I thought that Tenacious D In: The Pick of Destiny was hilarious. There were a multitude of laugh-out-loud moments for me. I mean, hell, John C. Reilly plays Sasquatch! With a speech impediment, no less. And Dave Grohl as Satan is amazing. I'm not sure that I would recommend it to most of you, because it may be more of a guy movie, but if you have any fans of low-brow humor in your house you could do a lot worse.

Little Man says: "Don't forget to brush yo teefs, kids!"

If you see any of these people today, wish them a happy birthday:

• Jennifer Capriati
• Bud Cort
• Perry Farrell
• Eric Idle
• Lucy Lawless
• Elle MacPherson
• John Popper
• Annabella Sciorra
• Amy Sedaris (genius)

One Good Stink Deserves Another

I’ve had it with Baby Powder Man (basically boils down to: baby powder on a baby? Fine. Baby powder on a 45 year old man? Gag inducing). Both on Friday and yesterday I was driven to the point of near gagging, even holding my nose and breathing through my mouth sometimes. That’s it, it’s time to fight stink with stink. Yesterday at lunch I went out and bought one of those Renuzit air fresheners, you know the ones with the plastic cover over that weird, Jello like goop? I sampled every scent available (it has to be something I can smell all day and not get grossed out by). It pretty much came down to “tropical melon” or “clean laundry”. I’m now rocking the office tropical melon style, and it’s totally drowning out baby powder narstiness. I bet everyone is wondering why it smells like cantaloupe up in here, but they’ll just have to deal.

On an unrelated note, why didn’t I get to see David Lynch selling coffee at Central Market on Sunday? Aw, man. And BTW, David Lynch coffee? What the?

If you see any of these people, wish them a happy birthday:

• Mariah Carey
• Fergie (the new Fergie, not the old Fergie)
• Elizabeth Mitchell
• Quentin Tarantino
• Xuxa! (I love the Xuxa)
• Michael York (hey, we were just talking about Austin Powers)

SPC - Morphy's Law

I had an idea in mind for this week, but I just haven't had time to make it look like I want to. School has been kind of kicking me in the butt lately. So I decided to do something more prepackaged I suppose. I really liked the manga image that Deb did last week, so I decided to give the St. Andrew's face transformer tool a try. Here are some of the ones I liked the best!

This one was called "Drunk", but I think it totally makes me look like Baba Booey from Howard Stern.

I liked the way this manga image turned out.

Modigliani 1



Modigliani 2


I really love the El Grecos!

Which one is your favorite?

To see what others have done, check out Self Portrait Challenge.

Even Toothbrushes Need A Home

As any of you that read her blog know, my friend Holli has recently taken to crafting with pottery in a big way. The classic rock cupcake mugs are flying off the shelves! Holli wanted to give me something pottery-like, and she asked what I wanted. When I heard her mention "toothbrush holder" I was immediately sold. Why? Well, this is all rather embarrassing and inexplicable in retrospect, but my "toothbrush holder" consisted of laying my toothbrush on top of a 15 year old (at least), empty can of Right Guard deodorant (see first picture below). What the hell is wrong with me? It all started in college I guess. Buying a toothbrush holder just wasn't high on the priority list when I went away to college. Still doesn't explain why I didn't get one when I got a job and my own place after college. Guys just don't pay that much attention to toothbrush holders.

However, now I am the proud owner of my very own toothbrush holder. And the best part is that it was painted by my favorite toddler in the whole wide world - Faith. She describes her work as "a little man wearing a hat". Sounds good to me. And it's even "signed"! Thanks Holli and Faith!

OK, for some reason I was oblivious all these years to how gross this was. I guess I justified it by the fact that the bristles didn't touch the narsty part of the deodorant lid.

New, improved, toothbrush storage method. AKA Little Man Wearing a Hat.

It's even signed!

OK, take a deep breath for today's birthdays (but don't hold it):

• Alan Arkin
• James Caan
• Kenny Chesney
• Bob Elliott
• Leeza Gibbons
• Jennifer Grey (nobody puts baby in a corner dammit!)
• Michael Imperioli (Christafuh!)
• T.R. Knight
• Keira Knightley
• Vicki Lawrence (this just in - Mama's Family best TV show ever. OK, not really.)
• Leonard Nimoy
• Sandra Day O'Connor
• Diana Ross
• Martin Short
• Amy Smart
• Steven Tyler
• Bob Woodward
  
  
  

Playing Favorites

A while back, painter girl tagged me for this meme. I've taken a long time to do it because asking me what my favorite movie or song is is asking me a question that I don't feel I can answer. There are too many good ones of both to have a favorite. And the favorites change from time to time. So, the favorites presented here are kind of a snapshot - my favorites right now. They could be different next month (is that enough of a hedge for ya?). Sometimes it's important to just make a decision, so that's what I've done here.

Favorite movie - The Big Lebowski
The first time I saw this movie was in the theater. I remember thinking at the end that I liked it, but I also remember thinking "What the hell was that?" I've found though that sometimes comedies take a little bit of time to grow on me, and this one has grown like a fungus upon my toenails. It's just so damn weird, but it makes me laugh like few movies can.

Favorite guilty pleasure movie - Austin Powers
The first time I saw this movie I hated it. All I could see was the stupidity and not the humor. And it is stupid, that's why I'm putting it in the guilty pleasure category. But each time I saw it it just kept getting funnier and funnier to me.

Favorite book - A Confederacy of Dunces
I think this book is pretty popular with literary hipsters, but I had never heard of it until a guy I know was selected to direct a movie adaptation of this book. So I read it because I wanted to see what he would be doing, and I really ended up loving it. It's got such strange characters, but they are drawn so vividly. It has such a strong sense of place too. It's set in New Orleans, and it really couldn't have been set anywhere else. The peculiarity of the story is also enhanced by the fact that the book was published 11 years after the author committed suicide. I'm actually kind of glad that the movie adaptation fell apart, because doing justice to the book would be extremely difficult if not impossible. More info here.

Favorite guilty pleasure book - Naked Pictures of My Ex-Girlfriends
Supposedly the premise of this book is that it is a bunch of pictures that the author took of his girlfriends from 1970-1980, along with little stories that he wrote to go with each of the pictures. A lot of people apparently got bent out of shape when it came to light that the pictures were taken more recently, that some of the women were models, and he made all or some of these stories up. I don't care, it's got pictures of naked women, what's not to like?

Favorite song - White Room by Cream
I love the guitar sound, the drum sound, the falsetto vocal on the chorus, the tympani, and the wah wah pedal. What else can I say?

Favorite guilty pleasure song - F*** The Pain Away by Peaches
Hey, I’m not proud of it, that’s why it’s a guilty pleasure, no? I think it’s funny. The first time I ever heard it was in the movie Lost In Translation. It’s the second track here. Obviously not baby, child, or work safe!

I can't tag anyone else for this thing, not after I took 2 months to answer it!

Big Bag of Nothing

I think I have blogger's block. Nothing is really striking me as being interesting to write about at the moment. Now I will say that I have 2 topics on deck, but one I can't write about now because I don't have access to the pictures, and the other I can't write about now because I don't want to post it from work.

Maybe somebody else is writing something interesting:

* My obsession with reading about what makes people happy continues here.

* This T-shirt is kind of funny. Not $18 funny, but funny.

* Did you hear the one about the talking urinal cake? Yeah, that will be effective. I think they should say "Stop peeing on me!"

If you see any of these people wish them a happy birthday:

• Damon Albarn
• John Wayne Bobbitt
• Hope Davis
• Perez Hilton
• Catherine Keener
• Chaka Khan
• Ric Ocasek
• Amanda Plummer (AKA Honey Bunny)
• Keri Russell

Different Day

Today was a bit of a shift from the norm. I had to drive to Fort Worth for work today. Unfortunately that means a drive of about 76 miles one way. The bad part is that it takes more than an hour to get there. The good part is that I get reimbursed for mileage, and I end up making a little bit of money even after the gas is paid for. Fortunately they're cool about letting me leave early so I don't hit the worst of the traffic. It's grunt work, but then that's pretty much all I do on a normal day anyway. It's nice to have a change of scenery every now and then.

Apropos of nothing, here are a couple of pics I meant to download the other day:

I liked the way these storm clouds looked at sunset.

Sunset 03-14-07

The most important birthday today is my mother's! She hit the big 6-0 this year. Happy birthday Mom!

These spare people also had birthdays today:

• Matthew Broderick
• Gary Oldman
• Timothy Dalton
• Jaye Davidson
• K. Fed
• Cynthia Geary
• Rosie O'Donnell

SPC - The JC Coloring Book!

Hey Moms! Are your kids tired of getting the same old crappy gifts for every birthday and major holiday? This year, why not give your child what they really want - the JC Coloring Book! You've seen the major motion picture, you've eaten the cereal, now let your kids give their crayons a workout with the JC Coloring Book! No, not that JC, this JC! It's non-toxic*, hypoallergenic, and has a pleasant elderberry scent. Give your child the gift that enthralls for minutes and keeps on frightening all year long - The JC Coloring Book! Buy one today!




*Not to be taken internally

Another fine Blammo!® product

To see some fine non-Blammo!® products, click here.

And A Grackle In A Pear Tree

Spring has sprung here, and blooming trees are over the place. There's an impressive line of Bradford pears close to my house, so I took some pictures. I'm glad I got out there last week because the flowers are fading fast now. Enjoy!

If you see any of these people today, wish them a happy birthday:

• Ursula Andress
• Glenn Close
• Ornette Coleman
• Philip Roth
• Harvey Weinstein
• Bruce Willis

A Pain In The Grass

Today my annual battle with Mother Nature began - I had to start mowing the lawn. It seems a bit early this year. It was actually the weeds that were becoming ridiculous, the grass hasn't started greening up yet. And not only did I have to start mowing, but I had to change the oil in the mower. Adding insult to injury, it took me 3 trips to various stores before I could find the proper oil.

It's kind of funny to think how when I was a little kid I wanted to start mowing the grass as soon as I could. It's what big people do! It's loud! Mom will be so proud! Now, it's just a beatdown. Especially when it starts getting really hot. On the bright side, I guess it kind of counts as exercise.

Here are some photos I took last week. I just liked the pink color of the clouds.








Today's birthdays:

• Luc Besson
• Seymore Butts (I just think the name is funny. Really!)
• Irene Cara
• Brad Dourif (It's really amazing how many films he's been in)
• Queen Latifah
• John Updike
• Vanessa Williams

They're Always After Me Lucky Charms

First things first. I turned the blog green for the weekend to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. So happy St. Patrick's Day!

I guess it was heartburn yesterday because I'm still here. And heartburn-free at the moment.

I have really felt lately like I wanted to get into exercising again. About a year ago I quit running because of knee pain. I've been walking a lot lately, but it just isn't the same as running. I wanted something that would give that feeling like I had accomplished something again. It would also be good to have something I can do when the weather doesn't want to cooperate. We have a small workout facility at work, but it seems like kind of a hassle to go there. If you work out in the middle or beginning of the day you have to bring clothes to change into and take a shower (or smell most of the day). If you workout at the end of the day the traffic just gets worse and worse the longer you are there.

I thought that a Nordictrack might work well with my knee, but I found out that new Nordictracks are very expensive! So, I looked around on ebay and found a decent one for a much lower price. So I spent some more of my tax refund and bought one. I finally put it together on Thursday and have used it the last 2 days. It's kind of tough to get back into the habit of working out, but I really want to do it. It's good to "feel the burn" again. I'm hoping this thing will work out and I can make exercising a regular part of my life again.

If you see any of these people, wish them a happy birthday!

• Melissa Auf der Mar
• Billy Corgan
• Patrick Duffy (AKA Man from Atlantis)
• William Gibson
• Mia Hamm
• Michael Ivins
• Rob Lowe
• Kurt Russell
• John Sebastian
• Gary Sinise (you got legs, lieutenant Dan!)
• Matthew St. Patrick (I wonder if that's how he got his last name. Seriously)
• Gene Ween! (happy birthday Papa!)

Why Unicorns Shouldn't Drive

This is why I can't eat spicy stuff anymore: At about 4 this morning I awoke with chest pain. I still have it actually despite downing lots of Pepto. I think it's heartburn from eating some chips and salsa last night. At least I hope that's what it is. If I don't post anymore after this, I've died of a heart attack.

I heard this story on the news yesterday morning about a guy who was in a wreck and claimed that the wreck happened because a unicorn was driving his truck. Apparently, though, it's all a misinterpretation of a slang term used by attorneys (the "unicorn defense") and he actually claimed that some nonexistent person was driving his car. But I thought it inspired such a great post title that I'm going to keep it anyway! My favorite quote from the story was "Mr. Holliday has other serious problems, but this is not one of them."

I have been rocking the citrus lately in my attempt to eat more fruit. Last week I got some grapefruit because these babies were on sale 3 for a dollar. Anyway, inspired by Anna's food photos, I decided to take a couple of shots. This grapefruit was really good, even though I did experience the downside of eating grapefruit when at one point it squirted juice right in my eye as I plunged the serrated spoon into its juicy pink flesh.

If you see any of these people wish them a happy birthday:

• Bernardo Bertolucci
• Erik Estrada
• Flavor Flav! (Flav's an FOTB, or Friend of This Blog)
• Lauren Graham
• Isabelle Huppert
• Jerry Lewis
• Nancy Wilson
• Chuck Woolery

Flora of Denton

In my Monday post I remarked about some of the fauna of Denton, Texas. Today I bring you some of the flora. Incidentally, there was a really wheels-off criminal situation that partially took place in Denton yesterday.

If you see any of these people wish them a happy birthday:

• Prince Albert of Monaco (I just wanted to be able to say: "Do you have Prince Albert in the can?")
• Jamie Bell
• Michael Caine
• Billy Crystal
• Baba Booey! (or FaFa Flowy, RaRa Retard, etc.)
• Quincy Jones
• Chris Klein
• Wolfgang Petersen