Oscar Bot 2000
Being a big movie freak, I always look forward to the Oscars. So here in bullet-point style I present my thoughts on this year’s telecast.
* Ellen DeGeneres – meh. I have nothing against Ellen, she can be very funny. I just thought she wasn’t funny enough for this. She seemed kind of nervous maybe. Let her host the Emmys. There were a couple of good bits – the vacuum cleaner comes to mind – but overall she was kind of bland. I much prefer the more sarcastic take of Chris Rock or Jon Stewart. Billy Crystal always did a good job too. Hell, I even like Whoopi. And did you notice Ellen’s girlfriend in the audience? Love the Portia.
* I loved the bit with Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly. Although Black and Ferrell did something very similar before, bringing in Reilly kicked it up a notch. And was that Will Ferrell’s real hair, or was that for a role? This is the way to showcase JB to best effect – keep it short.
* The sound effects choir – Kind of cool, but boy did those people look weird making those noises. Can you really make a living making stupid noises like that?
* The dancers? Making the shapes? Kind of cool but more weird.
* I would like to nominate Jessica Biel’s boobs for something. But it won’t have anything to do with the word “supporting”.
* Did you notice that Abigail Breslin had her stuffed Curious George with her? Aww.
* Man I hope that Jack Nicholson look is for a movie. Scary!
* Chris Connelly sucked.
* Celine Dion? Bathroom break.
* So Mr. “Academy award winning screenwriter” Ben Affleck, where’s that second screenplay? Nine years wasn’t enough time for ya? You know, you being such a well-known writer and all. And seriously, they couldn’t find a real screenwriter to introduce the segment paying tribute to screenwriters? Whatever.
* I love that Wes Anderson commercial, but is that the same one they showed last year? I can’t remember last year’s so I’m really not sure, but I remember there was one. Eh, I’m too lazy to research this.
* Apparently Bill Condon, the director of Dreamgirls, is a “genus”. That’s pretty impressive, skipping right over the obvious species route and going straight for your own genus. Way to go Bill!
* Was Eddie Murphy crying, or does he just have really watery eyes? Every time they showed a closeup of him his eyes looked filled with tears. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that, I'm just askin'.
* Hey, Clint Eastwood, could you have mailed in your Morricone intro any more than you did? He did say at the end that he should have worn his glasses, and maybe that's what it was. If so, quit tryin' to look macho and wear your damn glasses! C'mon!
* Pan’s Labyrinth not even winning Best Foreign Film is shite. In fact it’s a big ol’ shite sandwich, with horseradish.
* That would have been so great if Borat would have won best adapted screenplay. I still don’t understand exactly how that movie had a screenplay ( I guess to set up the segments - ‘Borat walks into an antique shop’), but it still would have been funny. At least we got to hear Helen Mirren say “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Khazakhstan.”
* Seeing Robert Altman in the memorial segment made me remember that I mentioned that when A Prairie Home Companion came out on video I was going to watch it. Well, I did, and I thought it was really good. It’s kind of a meditation on mortality, made all the more poignant because it turned out to be his last film. I enjoyed it, and this is coming from someone who can’t stand the radio show.
* I’m glad Forest Whitaker won, I’ve always liked his work.
* Having seen all of the Best Picture nominees, I think they were all fine movies. If I had to vote between those 5, I would have voted for Babel, although I’m cool with The Departed winning too. But to me it kind of seems like one of those “career achievement” type deals because The Departed is no Goodfellas or Raging Bull. I liked Pan’s Labyrinth the best of all the 2006 movies I saw, although it was ineligible for Best Picture since it was foreign-funded. A lot of people thought United 93 was the best movie of 2006, but I haven’t seen that yet. I also heard that Children of Men was very good – I’m waiting on the DVD since it comes out next month. Despite the fact that it seems lightweight, I thought Borat was an excellent movie. But overall I’m glad Scorsese finally won.
You all didn't think I was going to do birthdays after all that, did you? Well, you didn't think wrong (huh?).
Today's birthdays are brought to you by The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation:
* Ellen DeGeneres – meh. I have nothing against Ellen, she can be very funny. I just thought she wasn’t funny enough for this. She seemed kind of nervous maybe. Let her host the Emmys. There were a couple of good bits – the vacuum cleaner comes to mind – but overall she was kind of bland. I much prefer the more sarcastic take of Chris Rock or Jon Stewart. Billy Crystal always did a good job too. Hell, I even like Whoopi. And did you notice Ellen’s girlfriend in the audience? Love the Portia.
* I loved the bit with Will Ferrell, Jack Black, and John C. Reilly. Although Black and Ferrell did something very similar before, bringing in Reilly kicked it up a notch. And was that Will Ferrell’s real hair, or was that for a role? This is the way to showcase JB to best effect – keep it short.
* The sound effects choir – Kind of cool, but boy did those people look weird making those noises. Can you really make a living making stupid noises like that?
* The dancers? Making the shapes? Kind of cool but more weird.
* I would like to nominate Jessica Biel’s boobs for something. But it won’t have anything to do with the word “supporting”.
* Did you notice that Abigail Breslin had her stuffed Curious George with her? Aww.
* Man I hope that Jack Nicholson look is for a movie. Scary!
* Chris Connelly sucked.
* Celine Dion? Bathroom break.
* So Mr. “Academy award winning screenwriter” Ben Affleck, where’s that second screenplay? Nine years wasn’t enough time for ya? You know, you being such a well-known writer and all. And seriously, they couldn’t find a real screenwriter to introduce the segment paying tribute to screenwriters? Whatever.
* I love that Wes Anderson commercial, but is that the same one they showed last year? I can’t remember last year’s so I’m really not sure, but I remember there was one. Eh, I’m too lazy to research this.
* Apparently Bill Condon, the director of Dreamgirls, is a “genus”. That’s pretty impressive, skipping right over the obvious species route and going straight for your own genus. Way to go Bill!
* Was Eddie Murphy crying, or does he just have really watery eyes? Every time they showed a closeup of him his eyes looked filled with tears. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that, I'm just askin'.
* Hey, Clint Eastwood, could you have mailed in your Morricone intro any more than you did? He did say at the end that he should have worn his glasses, and maybe that's what it was. If so, quit tryin' to look macho and wear your damn glasses! C'mon!
* Pan’s Labyrinth not even winning Best Foreign Film is shite. In fact it’s a big ol’ shite sandwich, with horseradish.
* That would have been so great if Borat would have won best adapted screenplay. I still don’t understand exactly how that movie had a screenplay ( I guess to set up the segments - ‘Borat walks into an antique shop’), but it still would have been funny. At least we got to hear Helen Mirren say “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Khazakhstan.”
* Seeing Robert Altman in the memorial segment made me remember that I mentioned that when A Prairie Home Companion came out on video I was going to watch it. Well, I did, and I thought it was really good. It’s kind of a meditation on mortality, made all the more poignant because it turned out to be his last film. I enjoyed it, and this is coming from someone who can’t stand the radio show.
* I’m glad Forest Whitaker won, I’ve always liked his work.
* Having seen all of the Best Picture nominees, I think they were all fine movies. If I had to vote between those 5, I would have voted for Babel, although I’m cool with The Departed winning too. But to me it kind of seems like one of those “career achievement” type deals because The Departed is no Goodfellas or Raging Bull. I liked Pan’s Labyrinth the best of all the 2006 movies I saw, although it was ineligible for Best Picture since it was foreign-funded. A lot of people thought United 93 was the best movie of 2006, but I haven’t seen that yet. I also heard that Children of Men was very good – I’m waiting on the DVD since it comes out next month. Despite the fact that it seems lightweight, I thought Borat was an excellent movie. But overall I’m glad Scorsese finally won.
You all didn't think I was going to do birthdays after all that, did you? Well, you didn't think wrong (huh?).
Today's birthdays are brought to you by The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation:
- Chelsea Clinton
- Josh Groban
- Howard Hesseman
- Donal Logue
- Neal Schon
- Ralph Nader
- Elizabeth Taylor
- Kate Mara
- Joanne Woodward
Labels: Movies, Television
posted by JC at 10:54 AM
6 Comments:
You are so funny - I love the genus comment.
Cureee George? CUTE!!!
As for Mr. Affleck - PFTZ!!!
The one year we don't watch it and the academy decides to allow some half way decent design firm to do the graphics. That was very nice. ok we watched about 10 minutes. Saw the clothes designers and the Borat nomination.
Jack is very scary. Come a long way since Easy Rider days huh?
I'm kind of weirded out by Departed winning since it's a Hong Kong flick-I have problems with Dicap and even marky mark. I guess I have problems with a lot of movie stars that lack talent. (I'm mad today.)
Aaaah, Oscar talk. Actually we're thinking alike on most of your points mentioned. Except that I was thrilled about the German movie winning Best Foreign Picture. I might be biased though. ;)
We wondered if Portia de Rossi got one of the front row seats because her girlfriend was hosting the show?? Hmm.
And exactly how many Leo close-ups did they show? Geeez. He really isn't that attractive or manly.
End of random ramblings.
Portia is too pretty for Ellen, IMHO.
I heard the German movie was very good, but I haven't seen it yet.
I liked Ellen giving the script to Scorcese.
And I'm the only weirdo who liked the shadow puppet dancers.
Oh my lord I agree with everything you said. What the fuck is up with Pan's labrynth not winning best musical score or best original screen play? It is an amazing movie. Ellen tried too hard or something. She made me uncomfortable. So did the dancers. Creepy! The choir was cool if you didn't look at them. I swear the entertainment is like a school assembly in so many ways. You must see the Queen if you haven't. It is superb. I still felt angry at Elizabeth for the Diana thing but that's just me. The movie made me feel passionate and that's what movies should do-move us. Oh man I am a movie geek hard core. Marry me (I feel the urge to say this after watching Arrested development where Maybe works as a fake studio executive). No seriously, marry me.
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